Genuine.

Today I saw the complete generosity and how genuine people can be... It was so refreshing to see that there are still some beautiful and sentimental people within society. A couple invited my family and I into their home as if friends. Their home was welcoming, and full of art work of which they had created themselves. We spent the time talking - chatting about life, their family, their jobs. What makes ,e blog about this? Is there love story, one which i know ill never forget. Their love story brought them together twenty five years ago as lovers and it starts like this.

Angy and Mike met when they were 23, Mike had been working since he left school and built up a tank of savings to buy his most loved persesion, a canal boat. He lived around the canals and waters of his nearby town making it his life. Angy on the other hand was living in a beautiful house off of the welsh boarder. She had lived with her parents in Wales also and fled the nest to her own abode at the young age of 23. Angy had from a very young age looked after and breeded dogs, of all breeds and sizes and always wanting a career working with them. Living in her house she lived alone with three loving, affectionate canines; Tilly, Megan and Moggy. she would walk them up and down the canal, over the bridges for an hour and a half everyday. She would change her walking route day to day and take her beautiful dogs on an adventure.
Mike had become obsessed with the mechanics, upkeep and decoration of his canal boat and believed he had found his true love. Until one sunny day, on the turn of the Caaybrew stretch of the canal Mike had found himself in trouble, as he steered the boat it was taking on water, by the bucket load water gushed in to his beloved boat and he shouted as he tried to shovel it out. A passer by, a young woman walking her dogs, offered to help. Tying her dogs to the mooring station she climbed aboard. After many of attempts of trying to retrieve the boat for the dirty depths of the canal they agreed there was nothing more that they could do. Angy walked Mike into a nearby coffee house where they sat chatting and laughing opposite the sunken wreckage. After a couple of coffees, when Mike was back to being himself Angy offered him a place to stay, and He accepted. He called the canal maintenance  for help with the clearing up if his truly loved boat and wreckage and curled into a warm cosy bed beside the fire in a beautiful welsh cottage. Angy insisted of him staying until he found his feet and worked out where his journey was going to take him. There was many Laughs and candlelight evenings and after weeks; Mike never left, he and Angy lived till now and will do for much longer In the beautiful welsh cottage on the boarder; and have done for 25 years.

Now this blog is not just fiction, this is notes taken from a beautiful conversation... Maybe I will extend this, proof it, make it more contextual... Maybe. Please excuse mistakes, grammar or spelling... Sometimes I rush in order to tell a story.

Much love x

One holiday blog... Plus fiction...

So yesterday would have actually been my second holiday blog but... I was far too busy to be able to write yesterday.

My Family of which I was staying with last night had a huge party of which they cater themselves... For 400 people, it was hard work- being family I was grabbed into helping, which I didn't mind about, I like to be helpful but you know is a little less holiday-y. Anyhow's, so after de-coring loads of lettuces, chopping onions, peppers and what ever other vegetable was thrown at me it was finally party time. Filled myself of my homemade treasures and danced all night.

So i entered the kitchen to find a discussion underway about books, my element - a cup of tea and a book convo but soon was overridden by a coleslaw emergency. I continued the book discussion with myself at the same time as de-coring and chopping over twenty peppers. It was a great night, people loved it... A job well done I'd say, and my book Congo ended with a disagreement with myself and um... Myself. Furthermore...

There's a little green an parked up the road from me, it's left hand door is wide open- waving. There's is a huge tall tree, taller than all the rest completely stationary, no movement, not even the slightest sway.  I sit, it is ten in the morning and I am munching on the same family sized packet of salted popcorn. Again, i am observing. I suppose if I were to sit else where there would be a lot more to observe or just different things to observe, the green van's door is now closed and driving towards me, without any induction the van turns right, leaving the road a long and lonely one.
There are now I group of children, young girls with their flowing hair following them as they speed on their scooters and bicycles. Friends together, how I always remember to be. The scoot to an abode, a bike standing on its own two wheels and balances, scooters thrown on to the grass, the girls  running in for maybe for a drink of lemonade or a ham sandwich. I remember times where I was little, I think back to my childhood friends. I miss the times of no responsibility, and easy decisions.

Insert... A tad of fiction...
Draping my head over the railing in look down into the river. I look down to see the small ecosystems that had shown themselves to me. The light was just disappearing and I was on my own, I felt alone. I stared my my reflection, the ripples in the water distorting my facial features and elongating my nose, I blinked. The water was dark, orangy in places and open. The bridge stood over the deep part of the river where it was too dangerous to swim, the rocks and sandy sentiment almost invisible to see at the bottom from up here. I poked my leg out between the bars of the railings to just feel the imaginary atmospheric change within the dark air above the waters depth.  I stare again down at my reflection, the nose I moan about i see rippling, my chin dark and hard. My eyes seem smaller in the water, almost not there- dull, deep and lonesome. My shadow is behind me now as the street lights become brighter as the sunlight disappears. A distortion in nature is loneliness, a distortion in sight is my distortion and in my reflection there is another.

I really don't understand why my mind actually talks such fiction, my imagination need a leash ha! Well I enjoy it, and someone reads it, even if it makes no sense or is not written very well, its enjoyable to make sort of contextual things up. That last fiction, if I were to follow on with- when she looked down again at her reflection she sees another reflection, one of a lost love or her love, a guy she loves muchly. Any how's, off to another day on holiday...

Much love x

Furthermore... Time for a blog.

Day one of: no phone signal, no WiFi, no blogging, no Facebook, no twitter, no instagram, no texting... Basically no communication with anyone but holiday people with accents. Day one is going well, fine nearly nothing to do. Got a tad bored. Walked along the river, dipped my toes in. I sit ready to blog with a family sized bag of salted popcorn.- I think -... What shall i blog about. Do I blog about the family? Do I blog about my surroundings? Do I blog about being unable to blog?
I ponder...
A nibble of salted popcorn or two, a change of song on my iPod. Maybe I should have brought my laptop with me, to complete and proof my novel for it to be ready for it to be finalised. I am excited, I want to touch the finished binded book, beaut.

I look out the window, the dull sky encases the people, their cars, the other things that make up people lives. I see a couple, standing beside their car, their luggage is neatly organised in the boot if the car as they had just pulled in and arrived. They talk, they communicate but I can't hear them. A short men with a walking stick looks at the woman, his wife. What are they saying? Am j just nosey to be asking myself this? What are the importance's in their lives besides each other?. The green grass scuttles along the road and up the street as they walk side by side to the small bridge. Do their minds work like mine? Do they prioritise?
I am on holiday being in a new place, living in a new way, eating new foods... But i have been on holiday from uni for ages! I feel all I have done is use social networking sites, writing and drawing. Now being my real holiday, I walk around, I eat, I read... Love this type of holiday.

My walk along the river was sweet, the dark heavy clouds above, threatening us with perspiration. The sound of young girls playing together on the field not too far away in the wind, I hear dogs barking and I hear sheep bleating. I dip my toes into the river, the dark brown murky water ripples. I look and see my foot beneath the water line, my skin dyed orange with the river sentiment in the water. Standing on the flood defends wall, replacing my shoe I stand. I look over the land, the fields, the grass. The neat blissful breeze brushing the leaves, swaying the trees. The roots, trees and leaves dancing in time. With the dusky air comes the strong scent of freshly cut grass, travelling my nasal senses- here came a sneeze.

My family sat beside me at the table playing some strategical card game as I blog, dependant on high numbers and luck within the deal... Them laughing which I hear over the familiar  song playing on my iPod.
I suppose i should go do something, where shall I walk this time... Blog soon I'm sure, what else should I be doing... I'm sure this blog will be late in being published also.

Much love x

So after accumulating a crazy 'I don't know what to write about in this blog' blog, I will go and find some brekkie.

 
Well time to blog,
 
And the old fashioned way also, I have a tablet of which I usually do all my typing, my blogging but when writing or proofing my novel I tend to type when my laptop Dave is in his glory, like this morning. There is just something so rewarding in typing on noisy keys. Although It took two days to actually start thinking about blogging i have come about thinking about it this morning, what to blog about is another matter. I'll start of with, a cup of tea, a toy monkey and a sandwich' all will be revealed.

After the last book I read, I have spoken to everyone about it and recommended it to them to read themselves, also coming across people who also read The Fault in our Stars in a day, like myself. A few days ago I had to go to a funeral, of which I had to travel up up too an also see family member that I hadn’t seen since I was knee high. I felt strangely odd that all of these faces knew my name, and knew who I was but I was so unsure of who they were… I hated this, they are my family. It was such a shame to be meeting up with all of these people for the wrong reason, a sad reason. I feel we as a family need to something jolly to bring us all together, for catch ups and cuddles, and talking about who we are, drinking a cup of tea, making of a family airlume teapot. I want this. Family is a funny thing,  we have lots of members of our family and we know nothing about them; well i do, i have such a huge family there a few i know very much about. I dont know where my great cousins went to school, or where my aunties kids go to school excreta. Families are great, put my family in a room together we’ll have bloody good time, some dancing, some cider and some crazy selfies I assure you. A toy monkey would also have a good time.

In othernews; I have recent brought a handful of new albums…and oh my god light up life. They are amazing, repeatedly playing them all day, everyday. I feel so strongly about the strength of music, the songs that make me smile, make you happy, the songs that make you want to just hug everybody, and the songs that make you stop, and think and observe. Music is beautiful, and writing your own is also as lovely. The piling up of CD cases is a beautiful thing also, the colours and the high piles complete any music lovers bedroom, along with a couple music merchandise. Again a change of scenery- a sandwich. I recently played mini golf with my family of which was so funny and obviously the boys in the fam know the terminology of golf, shouting 'four' or 'sand wedge' of which I repeatedly heard as 'sandwich'. Funny stuff...

Book report- I have started another novel about a woman whom is alone on valentines day, it is good so fast, just introducing her and her life and way of thinking. I will crack that open also with a cup of tea and a biscuit. Lovely jubbley.

So after accumulating a crazy 'I don't know what to write about in this blog' blog, I will go and find some brekkie.

Much love x

Should be can't...

I have the urge to blog but; it is late, home from work, have to be up early so... I'll blog tomorrow. I will remember, hectic week ahead, we'll see. I bid you N'night

P.s... Please ignore any grammar or spelling mishaps within my blogs... I do not proof my blog posts as I probably should because they aren't thoughts and how I think them usually, super quick typing. Thank you kind reader (if any- and I'd appreciate you following my blog also, Tehee! Much love x

Much love x

Emotions, tissues and a Book Review - The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

The Fault in Our Stars...

I feel so heavy and faint and dizzy. Maybe that is due to the amount that this book makes you cry. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, I was recommended to you all to read. I started reading this book about 13 hours ago, and I have cried much of the time reading it. The story is beautiful in its own metaphoric way as the characters explore the metaphors of life, health and love. I had said to my self “we really must blog, we’ve been saying we will for a couple of days” but yet I hadn’t got round to actually writing something, blogging soon" I'd been saying this for a couple of days until today;  about a chapter before the end of the book, I need to write something, I needed to blog. Urgently I turned on my computer to beat the keys, to discuss with myself the love between the pages of this blissful metaphoric novel. As a young adult, I would say I wouldn’t really know what love really feels like, or how to notice it. I mean we all relationships that end, some badly and some on equal terms but never do you really understand what we are actually feeling. At such a young age people say, 'it's puppy love' or 'you are too young to be in love' ; but really is there an age too young to be in love?  Lust is a different thing, compassion is another, wanting someone for company, or affection, or intimacy is also something different. Love is a huge thing, and it is a huge emotion and for someone to admit they love another is a brave thing.

There are too main feelings expressed through this novel; one is Fear and the other Love. To feel so comfortable with someone, and to want to make them happy, and to be able to admit that you actually love  that person. I have never, and as cliché as it does sounds, I would love to feel love. One day, as we all follow stories, one day the prince and princess marry, they live happily ever after but how often does that actually happen?.
The novel is an insight into the lives of three close teenagers all have either suffered or are suffering from cancer and a very young age. Two of these fall so deep in love with each other that reading their lives and illness becomes almost unbearable for the reader but due to the strong emotional connection between the characters and the reader, the reader can not help but continue reading! We all sort of wish that we can become something that will the best for someone, for that someone we love, the everything that they ever wanted, but maybe its just being ourselves that lead us into feeling we are in love. Are we in love with ourselves, do you love the person you become while loving this person?! Is that the foundation's mission of love, loving ourselves? The Fault in Our Stars inhabits the lives of two cancer suffers in the deepest of love, which ends suddenly. They are connected to one another by a novel which they both read, both find some deep connection too. Like the novel written by a famous author that connects them at the beginning of the book,  us as readers feel so emotionally connected to these characters as the characters do to the novel that connects them to one another, the connection between us and the teenagers so strong that I feel guilty, as I reader we feel guilty for not having the power to take hold of their lives and mould them around each others. We feel  so much sympathy for them, we begin to love them. The book is bliss and so so heart wrenching but so gorgeous in its metaphors.
I know, I must sound completely insane. I would recommend anyone to read this just of the pure love that is betrayed. It is beautiful.
 
Much Love x

Today, yesterday and a train ride...

Well I guess its time to blog, I don't think I have mentioned prior that my publishers fell through, they wasn't what I wanted. But I'm on the scout for another. I've started thinking about how much this is going to cost me, quite worried actually. I mean I have been so excited about it being finished and binded and official that I hadn't thought about the coatings of it all, I have considered it but not as much as I should have. Yet, I am still motivated and want to follow through and see where I end up. Other than that, my proofing is going well, with a lot on my mind at the moment I haven't really got too far with it, I need to be calm and motivated to proof and recently I seem to have been up all over the place. I have a really odd dream last night about leaving my guitar on a beach, like who on earth would you forget a guitar. Ha! I travelled on a train recently of which I feel is a perfect place to start writing, I was influenced by something I saw on one of the platforms, which was a young woman, sat on her own in the dark; and I just started writing, the entry that I wrote on the train is the blog post prior this this one. I had been out for dinner with a friend, and I was calm and happy so I just started to write... A fabulous environment to write is a quirt train at about 11pm. Again this entry will just be one that maybe leads to know where as it has not got an awful lot of context with in, but I do feel happy with some of the imagery portrayed. Anyways, so being away from uni and not having deadlines and essay pressures I really have had the time to do things, like my novel but also pick up the guitar again. As cliche as it sounds, life happened when I started uni and I let the guitar go after not having time for it but now, I have really enjoyed picking it up again, welcoming back the sore fingers.
I must be honest with myself more, I don't think I had thought about how difficult it was going to be to publish, I'm starting to think that its going to take a lot longer than I had expected. It'll be good though, I will one day I'm sure. SMILE!
Anyway, to stop me babbling...

Much love x

What was going to be my next move?

Alone I sat on the platform, waiting, always waiting. The cold chill and fog wraps around me, my body; over my shoulders and around my neck. I pull out dinner from my pocket, a tin of sardines which I managed to shove under my jumper when in the supermarket that evening. The steal was easy.  My sleeves covered my wrist, I gripped the tin in my left hand and covered it with my sleeve. I could not just walk out like this, the security label would have caused an alarm to sound, they would have caught me. The label was harshly stuck with strong glue which had leaked out from the label and formed hard glue balls, I felt them with my finger tips under my sleeve. The shop was bright and unknown, there was no one around; I could hear a small child crying and the clicking of broken trolley wheels around me yet I saw no one. Outside was dark, the front door of the shop, as if it lead to nowhere.  I bent down to a lower shelf, I made it look as if I had bent down to look for something else. The shelf was stacked of tins of tuna fish pulled to the front of the shelves. As I bent down, I pushed the tuna tins to the back of the shelf, gripping my pen knife in my right hand and tin in the left, I put both hands under the shelf. Quickly, I scribbled off the label from of the tin with the  penknife blade. The label peeled off and I pulled the tin into my hoodie pocket. Pen knife safely back in my pocket, I stood from the bottom shelf and approached the door.

Back on the station, I sat alone in the dark. A local train on the track opposite where observers watched me from their seats, most leaning their heads on the hands against the windows. I pulled the stolen tin out of my pocket, curled my fingers around the pull ring and opened the lid. I begin to scoop the small cold fish with my fingers, tipping them into my mouth from my pushed together fingers. The fish fell on to my tongue, there oily texture lingering in my mouth. The multiple, piled fish disintegrating as my fingers touched them in the tin for my next mouthful. I wished that I was somewhere familiar, in wished I hadn't thrown it all away. I finished my dinner, chewing and swallowing the last oily chunk, I thought of home. What was going to be my next move? When would I eat something that I had paid for?

Much love x

Up to date...

One of my aims today was to actually get a blog post down, and by the looks of things it will probably be the only aim that I reach. My publishing is getting so exciting, j have found a publisher, I just need to finish proofing to which is taking ages because I'm a tad of a perfectionist and then have the confidence to be able to say 'yep it is completely finished'. Exciting! I've been proofing today for most of the day, I love now even as the writer i 'm picking up relationships with in the story line an also similarities to the influences that influenced me to write what I have written. After the finishing writing the novel I had about a six month break from it completely, fresh eyes see everything and now being on holiday from uni I have the time too commit too it. I love how the characters are appearing like friends to me, this is my first novel and you grow very attached too your characters when you're writing. I can't wait to be finished, to see it published and to be able to hold this massive accomplishment in my hands is a beautiful binded book. Too much to handle, cup of tea needed right here -
The idea of publishing began thinking about when I finished the move and hadn't proofed it, I think since then it had become a lot more serious and now a huge aim for myself to meet this summer.
Having a slight break from the computer screen at the moment and straight on too my tablet to blog. Haha, so much sense in that. Dear me.
After fishing around for publishers I have finally come across one which I pretty local and also not completely online, I want to be able to see a printed manuscript and the see a beaut of published book afterwards. I don't know, I let myself get so excited. We will see, I still haven't changed my mind about using my name, I'm quite happy with that. And also still going to publish a paper back. Beaut! Must get back too the hard work,
Its lush everything seems bright and right. Flattered by the things people say and interest into my publishing which makes me feel extremely proud, I can't wait for it to be all done. No rush though, just a little longer.

Much love x