I'm keeping a diary now, i have decided l'm going to write all my doings and my feelings and my aims down for me to read over and remember. I'm enjoying reading my own hand writing and reading again how I have fled. Like an insight into a past self... I wish to in the new year, blog more and keep a scrap book and a diary and take photos. I wish to make people happy and do the right things. I want to make myself and other proud of me but also of themselves.
Happy New Year -
Ta ta
Hannah x
I walked down a small alley, my long dress dragging in the snow, a present from my carers, those whom had taken me to their home in London. The walls of the alley where damp and dark, aligned with women pressing themselves against the walls wearing red garters and braziers. I asked myself why I was taking this route, in an unknown, at a definite inappropriate time of the night. Robin had told me that it was a quicker way to the centre of town, cutting half of forty minutes from my journey to the rescue centre, I was feeling unsure and unsafe; Though Robin had said this quote was quicker, she had not mentioned the positioning of a brothel within. I thought about Christopher waiting for me, his top hat upon his head, and cane in hand. My journey was an impolite one, I thought about how I could retell this small part of my journey to Christopher. Upon walking, the woman that lined the alley doused in seduction. I walked faster, I needed to reach Christopher, my hand started to shake with excitement but also with fear. i tried not to make it obvious that I was hurrying; I did not want to draw attention to myself. The underskirt of my dress became heavy with the damp of the newly fallen snow. I glanced behind me, Men wearing trench coats and top hats started to gather along the alley that I had passed alongside the late night ladies. I saw the end of the alley nearing, the light of the town and the misty sound of drunks became that of relief. I gripped hold of my dress, lifting it off of the snow to avoid stains from the town’s dark and dirty roads. A wanted to see Christopher waiting for me; I felt overwhelming excitement as I approached the end of the alley. I left behind the sound of screaming and giggling woman, and men’s whistles and groans.
Ta ta
Doubt - "we accept the love we think we deserve" quoted from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Things changes, people change and there is nothing anyone can do about it- sometimes they change for the good, sometimes bad and some change where the lasting effect is ignored and not seen, harming someone silently and ignorantly.
Worry - putting stress on yourself worrying about things, I have been worrying a lot recently. And worrying has a huge effect on the body, the mind, attitudes and almost everything even down to hygiene routines sometimes. Finance can be a worry for everybody and anybody, we all panic- is it through spending? Is it just that you have misplaced some cash? Eat a good breakfast, do all the can and chill. Worrying isn't something that will go away, best thing to do is talk about it with someone you trust, a cup of tea- it'll make you feel physically better. After all that searching, and no cash in sight- pop the kettle on and understand that there is no more you can do and hope an wish it will make its way back to you. Worry is a steaming cup of tea, taking a sip the boiling liquid burns your tongue- don't let that burn stop you drinking the rest.
Optimism - do any of us actually know what this means, s it us making plans for what we are going to accomplish or is it us defeating any hold backs and worries and achieving our aim. I feel better when I write things down, I like to see progress and steps, I do this to identify my own progress to allow myself to feel proud and getting closer and closer to that aim at the end of the tunnel, the things you desire so so much that the thought of not reaching it horrifies you. Go for it, you can only do it for yourself; and if you want something that much, you'll only make yourself proud.
Relax - "I tried carrying the weight of the world but I only have two hands" Avicii lyrics... We all need someone to make us feel worthy, loved, helpful, to give us confidence and the strength to follow any of our dreams. Do not waste time with friends that's how you nothing, those friends that use you, the friends that won't help you, listen to you, don't waste your time on keeping them happy because they wouldn't do the same for you. Those special bonds that you know are the people that will be friends forever, those that make you feel like they would do anything for you and that you could repay the favour, the ones that love you for who you are and not use you for your good nature; are the ones you can always depend on, never forget them. For a friendship is essential and those special bonds can be hard to find but once you have one, it'll be there forever. I see this lyric as a metaphor for a cry for help, the comfort in asking another for help and how much can be achieved. A relationship is not only those between a parent and yourself, but a bond of Trust and love building a system of comfort and confidence.
Today I saw the complete generosity and how genuine people can be... It was so refreshing to see that there are still some beautiful and sentimental people within society. A couple invited my family and I into their home as if friends. Their home was welcoming, and full of art work of which they had created themselves. We spent the time talking - chatting about life, their family, their jobs. What makes ,e blog about this? Is there love story, one which i know ill never forget. Their love story brought them together twenty five years ago as lovers and it starts like this.
Angy and Mike met when they were 23, Mike had been working since he left school and built up a tank of savings to buy his most loved persesion, a canal boat. He lived around the canals and waters of his nearby town making it his life. Angy on the other hand was living in a beautiful house off of the welsh boarder. She had lived with her parents in Wales also and fled the nest to her own abode at the young age of 23. Angy had from a very young age looked after and breeded dogs, of all breeds and sizes and always wanting a career working with them. Living in her house she lived alone with three loving, affectionate canines; Tilly, Megan and Moggy. she would walk them up and down the canal, over the bridges for an hour and a half everyday. She would change her walking route day to day and take her beautiful dogs on an adventure.
Mike had become obsessed with the mechanics, upkeep and decoration of his canal boat and believed he had found his true love. Until one sunny day, on the turn of the Caaybrew stretch of the canal Mike had found himself in trouble, as he steered the boat it was taking on water, by the bucket load water gushed in to his beloved boat and he shouted as he tried to shovel it out. A passer by, a young woman walking her dogs, offered to help. Tying her dogs to the mooring station she climbed aboard. After many of attempts of trying to retrieve the boat for the dirty depths of the canal they agreed there was nothing more that they could do. Angy walked Mike into a nearby coffee house where they sat chatting and laughing opposite the sunken wreckage. After a couple of coffees, when Mike was back to being himself Angy offered him a place to stay, and He accepted. He called the canal maintenance for help with the clearing up if his truly loved boat and wreckage and curled into a warm cosy bed beside the fire in a beautiful welsh cottage. Angy insisted of him staying until he found his feet and worked out where his journey was going to take him. There was many Laughs and candlelight evenings and after weeks; Mike never left, he and Angy lived till now and will do for much longer In the beautiful welsh cottage on the boarder; and have done for 25 years.
Now this blog is not just fiction, this is notes taken from a beautiful conversation... Maybe I will extend this, proof it, make it more contextual... Maybe. Please excuse mistakes, grammar or spelling... Sometimes I rush in order to tell a story.
Much love x
So yesterday would have actually been my second holiday blog but... I was far too busy to be able to write yesterday.
My Family of which I was staying with last night had a huge party of which they cater themselves... For 400 people, it was hard work- being family I was grabbed into helping, which I didn't mind about, I like to be helpful but you know is a little less holiday-y. Anyhow's, so after de-coring loads of lettuces, chopping onions, peppers and what ever other vegetable was thrown at me it was finally party time. Filled myself of my homemade treasures and danced all night.
So i entered the kitchen to find a discussion underway about books, my element - a cup of tea and a book convo but soon was overridden by a coleslaw emergency. I continued the book discussion with myself at the same time as de-coring and chopping over twenty peppers. It was a great night, people loved it... A job well done I'd say, and my book Congo ended with a disagreement with myself and um... Myself. Furthermore...
There's a little green an parked up the road from me, it's left hand door is wide open- waving. There's is a huge tall tree, taller than all the rest completely stationary, no movement, not even the slightest sway. I sit, it is ten in the morning and I am munching on the same family sized packet of salted popcorn. Again, i am observing. I suppose if I were to sit else where there would be a lot more to observe or just different things to observe, the green van's door is now closed and driving towards me, without any induction the van turns right, leaving the road a long and lonely one.
There are now I group of children, young girls with their flowing hair following them as they speed on their scooters and bicycles. Friends together, how I always remember to be. The scoot to an abode, a bike standing on its own two wheels and balances, scooters thrown on to the grass, the girls running in for maybe for a drink of lemonade or a ham sandwich. I remember times where I was little, I think back to my childhood friends. I miss the times of no responsibility, and easy decisions.
Insert... A tad of fiction...
Draping my head over the railing in look down into the river. I look down to see the small ecosystems that had shown themselves to me. The light was just disappearing and I was on my own, I felt alone. I stared my my reflection, the ripples in the water distorting my facial features and elongating my nose, I blinked. The water was dark, orangy in places and open. The bridge stood over the deep part of the river where it was too dangerous to swim, the rocks and sandy sentiment almost invisible to see at the bottom from up here. I poked my leg out between the bars of the railings to just feel the imaginary atmospheric change within the dark air above the waters depth. I stare again down at my reflection, the nose I moan about i see rippling, my chin dark and hard. My eyes seem smaller in the water, almost not there- dull, deep and lonesome. My shadow is behind me now as the street lights become brighter as the sunlight disappears. A distortion in nature is loneliness, a distortion in sight is my distortion and in my reflection there is another.
I really don't understand why my mind actually talks such fiction, my imagination need a leash ha! Well I enjoy it, and someone reads it, even if it makes no sense or is not written very well, its enjoyable to make sort of contextual things up. That last fiction, if I were to follow on with- when she looked down again at her reflection she sees another reflection, one of a lost love or her love, a guy she loves muchly. Any how's, off to another day on holiday...
Much love x
Day one of: no phone signal, no WiFi, no blogging, no Facebook, no twitter, no instagram, no texting... Basically no communication with anyone but holiday people with accents. Day one is going well, fine nearly nothing to do. Got a tad bored. Walked along the river, dipped my toes in. I sit ready to blog with a family sized bag of salted popcorn.- I think -... What shall i blog about. Do I blog about the family? Do I blog about my surroundings? Do I blog about being unable to blog?
I ponder...
A nibble of salted popcorn or two, a change of song on my iPod. Maybe I should have brought my laptop with me, to complete and proof my novel for it to be ready for it to be finalised. I am excited, I want to touch the finished binded book, beaut.
I look out the window, the dull sky encases the people, their cars, the other things that make up people lives. I see a couple, standing beside their car, their luggage is neatly organised in the boot if the car as they had just pulled in and arrived. They talk, they communicate but I can't hear them. A short men with a walking stick looks at the woman, his wife. What are they saying? Am j just nosey to be asking myself this? What are the importance's in their lives besides each other?. The green grass scuttles along the road and up the street as they walk side by side to the small bridge. Do their minds work like mine? Do they prioritise?
I am on holiday being in a new place, living in a new way, eating new foods... But i have been on holiday from uni for ages! I feel all I have done is use social networking sites, writing and drawing. Now being my real holiday, I walk around, I eat, I read... Love this type of holiday.
My walk along the river was sweet, the dark heavy clouds above, threatening us with perspiration. The sound of young girls playing together on the field not too far away in the wind, I hear dogs barking and I hear sheep bleating. I dip my toes into the river, the dark brown murky water ripples. I look and see my foot beneath the water line, my skin dyed orange with the river sentiment in the water. Standing on the flood defends wall, replacing my shoe I stand. I look over the land, the fields, the grass. The neat blissful breeze brushing the leaves, swaying the trees. The roots, trees and leaves dancing in time. With the dusky air comes the strong scent of freshly cut grass, travelling my nasal senses- here came a sneeze.
My family sat beside me at the table playing some strategical card game as I blog, dependant on high numbers and luck within the deal... Them laughing which I hear over the familiar song playing on my iPod.
I suppose i should go do something, where shall I walk this time... Blog soon I'm sure, what else should I be doing... I'm sure this blog will be late in being published also.
Much love x
Well time to blog,
And the old fashioned way also, I have a tablet of which I usually do all my typing, my blogging but when writing or proofing my novel I tend to type when my laptop Dave is in his glory, like this morning. There is just something so rewarding in typing on noisy keys. Although It took two days to actually start thinking about blogging i have come about thinking about it this morning, what to blog about is another matter. I'll start of with, a cup of tea, a toy monkey and a sandwich' all will be revealed.
After the last book I read, I have spoken to everyone about it and recommended it to them to read themselves, also coming across people who also read The Fault in our Stars in a day, like myself. A few days ago I had to go to a funeral, of which I had to travel up up too an also see family member that I hadn’t seen since I was knee high. I felt strangely odd that all of these faces knew my name, and knew who I was but I was so unsure of who they were… I hated this, they are my family. It was such a shame to be meeting up with all of these people for the wrong reason, a sad reason. I feel we as a family need to something jolly to bring us all together, for catch ups and cuddles, and talking about who we are, drinking a cup of tea, making of a family airlume teapot. I want this. Family is a funny thing, we have lots of members of our family and we know nothing about them; well i do, i have such a huge family there a few i know very much about. I dont know where my great cousins went to school, or where my aunties kids go to school excreta. Families are great, put my family in a room together we’ll have bloody good time, some dancing, some cider and some crazy selfies I assure you. A toy monkey would also have a good time.
In othernews; I have recent brought a handful of new albums…and oh my god light up life. They are amazing, repeatedly playing them all day, everyday. I feel so strongly about the strength of music, the songs that make me smile, make you happy, the songs that make you want to just hug everybody, and the songs that make you stop, and think and observe. Music is beautiful, and writing your own is also as lovely. The piling up of CD cases is a beautiful thing also, the colours and the high piles complete any music lovers bedroom, along with a couple music merchandise. Again a change of scenery- a sandwich. I recently played mini golf with my family of which was so funny and obviously the boys in the fam know the terminology of golf, shouting 'four' or 'sand wedge' of which I repeatedly heard as 'sandwich'. Funny stuff...
Book report- I have started another novel about a woman whom is alone on valentines day, it is good so fast, just introducing her and her life and way of thinking. I will crack that open also with a cup of tea and a biscuit. Lovely jubbley.
So after accumulating a crazy 'I don't know what to write about in this blog' blog, I will go and find some brekkie.
Much love x
I have the urge to blog but; it is late, home from work, have to be up early so... I'll blog tomorrow. I will remember, hectic week ahead, we'll see. I bid you N'night
P.s... Please ignore any grammar or spelling mishaps within my blogs... I do not proof my blog posts as I probably should because they aren't thoughts and how I think them usually, super quick typing. Thank you kind reader (if any- and I'd appreciate you following my blog also, Tehee! Much love x
Much love x
The Fault in Our Stars...
I feel so heavy and faint and dizzy. Maybe that is due to the amount that this book makes you cry. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, I was recommended to you all to read. I started reading this book about 13 hours ago, and I have cried much of the time reading it. The story is beautiful in its own metaphoric way as the characters explore the metaphors of life, health and love. I had said to my self “we really must blog, we’ve been saying we will for a couple of days” but yet I hadn’t got round to actually writing something, blogging soon" I'd been saying this for a couple of days until today; about a chapter before the end of the book, I need to write something, I needed to blog. Urgently I turned on my computer to beat the keys, to discuss with myself the love between the pages of this blissful metaphoric novel. As a young adult, I would say I wouldn’t really know what love really feels like, or how to notice it. I mean we all relationships that end, some badly and some on equal terms but never do you really understand what we are actually feeling. At such a young age people say, 'it's puppy love' or 'you are too young to be in love' ; but really is there an age too young to be in love? Lust is a different thing, compassion is another, wanting someone for company, or affection, or intimacy is also something different. Love is a huge thing, and it is a huge emotion and for someone to admit they love another is a brave thing.
There are too main feelings expressed through this novel; one is Fear and the other Love. To feel so comfortable with someone, and to want to make them happy, and to be able to admit that you actually love that person. I have never, and as cliché as it does sounds, I would love to feel love. One day, as we all follow stories, one day the prince and princess marry, they live happily ever after but how often does that actually happen?.
The novel is an insight into the lives of three close teenagers all have either suffered or are suffering from cancer and a very young age. Two of these fall so deep in love with each other that reading their lives and illness becomes almost unbearable for the reader but due to the strong emotional connection between the characters and the reader, the reader can not help but continue reading! We all sort of wish that we can become something that will the best for someone, for that someone we love, the everything that they ever wanted, but maybe its just being ourselves that lead us into feeling we are in love. Are we in love with ourselves, do you love the person you become while loving this person?! Is that the foundation's mission of love, loving ourselves? The Fault in Our Stars inhabits the lives of two cancer suffers in the deepest of love, which ends suddenly. They are connected to one another by a novel which they both read, both find some deep connection too. Like the novel written by a famous author that connects them at the beginning of the book, us as readers feel so emotionally connected to these characters as the characters do to the novel that connects them to one another, the connection between us and the teenagers so strong that I feel guilty, as I reader we feel guilty for not having the power to take hold of their lives and mould them around each others. We feel so much sympathy for them, we begin to love them. The book is bliss and so so heart wrenching but so gorgeous in its metaphors.
I know, I must sound completely insane. I would recommend anyone to read this just of the pure love that is betrayed. It is beautiful.
Much Love x
Well I guess its time to blog, I don't think I have mentioned prior that my publishers fell through, they wasn't what I wanted. But I'm on the scout for another. I've started thinking about how much this is going to cost me, quite worried actually. I mean I have been so excited about it being finished and binded and official that I hadn't thought about the coatings of it all, I have considered it but not as much as I should have. Yet, I am still motivated and want to follow through and see where I end up. Other than that, my proofing is going well, with a lot on my mind at the moment I haven't really got too far with it, I need to be calm and motivated to proof and recently I seem to have been up all over the place. I have a really odd dream last night about leaving my guitar on a beach, like who on earth would you forget a guitar. Ha! I travelled on a train recently of which I feel is a perfect place to start writing, I was influenced by something I saw on one of the platforms, which was a young woman, sat on her own in the dark; and I just started writing, the entry that I wrote on the train is the blog post prior this this one. I had been out for dinner with a friend, and I was calm and happy so I just started to write... A fabulous environment to write is a quirt train at about 11pm. Again this entry will just be one that maybe leads to know where as it has not got an awful lot of context with in, but I do feel happy with some of the imagery portrayed. Anyways, so being away from uni and not having deadlines and essay pressures I really have had the time to do things, like my novel but also pick up the guitar again. As cliche as it sounds, life happened when I started uni and I let the guitar go after not having time for it but now, I have really enjoyed picking it up again, welcoming back the sore fingers.
I must be honest with myself more, I don't think I had thought about how difficult it was going to be to publish, I'm starting to think that its going to take a lot longer than I had expected. It'll be good though, I will one day I'm sure. SMILE!
Anyway, to stop me babbling...
Much love x
Alone I sat on the platform, waiting, always waiting. The cold chill and fog wraps around me, my body; over my shoulders and around my neck. I pull out dinner from my pocket, a tin of sardines which I managed to shove under my jumper when in the supermarket that evening. The steal was easy. My sleeves covered my wrist, I gripped the tin in my left hand and covered it with my sleeve. I could not just walk out like this, the security label would have caused an alarm to sound, they would have caught me. The label was harshly stuck with strong glue which had leaked out from the label and formed hard glue balls, I felt them with my finger tips under my sleeve. The shop was bright and unknown, there was no one around; I could hear a small child crying and the clicking of broken trolley wheels around me yet I saw no one. Outside was dark, the front door of the shop, as if it lead to nowhere. I bent down to a lower shelf, I made it look as if I had bent down to look for something else. The shelf was stacked of tins of tuna fish pulled to the front of the shelves. As I bent down, I pushed the tuna tins to the back of the shelf, gripping my pen knife in my right hand and tin in the left, I put both hands under the shelf. Quickly, I scribbled off the label from of the tin with the penknife blade. The label peeled off and I pulled the tin into my hoodie pocket. Pen knife safely back in my pocket, I stood from the bottom shelf and approached the door.
Back on the station, I sat alone in the dark. A local train on the track opposite where observers watched me from their seats, most leaning their heads on the hands against the windows. I pulled the stolen tin out of my pocket, curled my fingers around the pull ring and opened the lid. I begin to scoop the small cold fish with my fingers, tipping them into my mouth from my pushed together fingers. The fish fell on to my tongue, there oily texture lingering in my mouth. The multiple, piled fish disintegrating as my fingers touched them in the tin for my next mouthful. I wished that I was somewhere familiar, in wished I hadn't thrown it all away. I finished my dinner, chewing and swallowing the last oily chunk, I thought of home. What was going to be my next move? When would I eat something that I had paid for?
Much love x
One of my aims today was to actually get a blog post down, and by the looks of things it will probably be the only aim that I reach. My publishing is getting so exciting, j have found a publisher, I just need to finish proofing to which is taking ages because I'm a tad of a perfectionist and then have the confidence to be able to say 'yep it is completely finished'. Exciting! I've been proofing today for most of the day, I love now even as the writer i 'm picking up relationships with in the story line an also similarities to the influences that influenced me to write what I have written. After the finishing writing the novel I had about a six month break from it completely, fresh eyes see everything and now being on holiday from uni I have the time too commit too it. I love how the characters are appearing like friends to me, this is my first novel and you grow very attached too your characters when you're writing. I can't wait to be finished, to see it published and to be able to hold this massive accomplishment in my hands is a beautiful binded book. Too much to handle, cup of tea needed right here -
The idea of publishing began thinking about when I finished the move and hadn't proofed it, I think since then it had become a lot more serious and now a huge aim for myself to meet this summer.
Having a slight break from the computer screen at the moment and straight on too my tablet to blog. Haha, so much sense in that. Dear me.
After fishing around for publishers I have finally come across one which I pretty local and also not completely online, I want to be able to see a printed manuscript and the see a beaut of published book afterwards. I don't know, I let myself get so excited. We will see, I still haven't changed my mind about using my name, I'm quite happy with that. And also still going to publish a paper back. Beaut! Must get back too the hard work,
Its lush everything seems bright and right. Flattered by the things people say and interest into my publishing which makes me feel extremely proud, I can't wait for it to be all done. No rush though, just a little longer.
Much love x
As a writer, I wouldn't say I'm overly organised with what I write. In my free time, I will write a short entry of which maybe are a start or part of a story which I could develop but then after writing it and leave it saved where ever and forget about it - so now and again I'll come across a piece of writing which I would have written ages ago stored in different programmes, on my phone, tablet or laptop. They usually don't have a beginning, middle or an end but sort of show my way of writing. I found one a second ago, which as I remember I liked this entry when I wrote it, well have a read anyway, it's just Hannah babble... I don't think I have blogged this one before... Enjoy!
The morning after the night before...
That Sunday morning it all changed, I mean I could not find even remember the night before. I had woken up next to a complete stranger with a beard. My head thumped and my legs ached. I am sat at my desk, and I hear an unfamiliar groan. I look round, the guy, in my bed... He is slender yet built, as if he runs maybe. His face, carved features and deep cheek bones, facial hair short, rigid and sexy. I brought him home. What did we do? What have I done? I question myself and all i do is bite my lip and watch him. Covered waist down by my duvet, his chest lifting as he breathes. All I can do is observe. My flat no longer feels empty. I left the room and into the bathroom to get my hands on some paracetamol, my head thumped yet I smile and giggle at the fact there's a stranger, a good looking man in my room. I continue into the kitchen and make us some tea, carrying it up into the bedroom. He is still sleeping, I don't even know his name. Till I found his jeans, I found his wallet; tucked inside a piece of paper with my mobile number written on it and a driving licence. His name is Drake.
I sat on bed looking out of the window clutching a cup of tea and wrapped in my dressing gown.
"Good Morning" he yawned.
He was awake, talking to me and I can't even remember last night. I can hear my heart in the silence that he was expecting my reply.
"Good Morning" I chirped up to say. "I brought you some tea"
He sat up. His eyes where soft, dark and pleasing. His smile, beautiful and I felt drawn in... This awkwardness, was only I feeling it.
As I sat, I watched the birds outside my window, I felt him, I felt Drake touch my back. He moved his hand up on to neck, his hands felt amazing and still unfamiliar. My toes curled as I became shy. He pulled himself slightly closer to me and kneaded my neck. The curved movement of his hand. Subconsciously tilting my head, he began to massage my back with both of his hands. He stops, stroking my ear from behind. I turn to him, meeting his gaze. He smiles at me.
I lay beside him, we not saying a word, leaning on my elbow I face him has he faces me. His face an angels smile, my tummy flutters like the wings of a butterfly. I tint back and on to my back, I lay looking up at the ceiling. I listen to my breathing, I listen to his. I close my eyes. I am thinking about Drake, where did I meet him?
His lips touch mine, warm, soft and strong. I feel his sharp tongue touch my lips.
Much love x
Author: Nick Hornsby
Published: 2008
Momentarily finished a novel by Nick Hornby, I will be honest with you I had tried to read another of his novels a couple of years ago, forgetting which one, I wasn’t impressed and never finished it but I picked up this one ‘Slam’ up on Saturday and haven’t been able to put it down, finished it about ten minutes ago. The book was different to anything I had recently read and was a bit odd to get into at the beginning. The boy whom is telling the story is telling the readers his life but by a sort of diary entry or conversation with us. Finishing the book I have come to interpret the title as a sort of metaphor for how Sam, the boy, is feeling though many parts of his life also a term used in his skating which he has to give up during the book. The book is about a very young couple around the age of sixteen; they are both quite quick to move into their relationship and do conclude with an unexpected pregnancy. Hornby describes the thoughts and feelings that a teenage boy would experience in this sort of situation and also shows how Sam comes to deal with different aspects of his life. Alicia, at the beginning is Sam’s girlfriend; the novel depicts how the two teenagers come to deal with the pregnancy, testing their strength for the baby and also for their relationship. Throughout the novel Sam seeks guidance in a poster of his idol, Tony Hawk, Sam feels that doing this he is getting answers and advice to help him with what is happening with his life influenced by the life of Tony Hawk within his autobiography. This, psychological but also how Sam grows to understand, and becomes mature with motivation for his baby, girlfriend and his self. By seeking guidance, I interpreted him reaching and seeking within himself, for the advice and support that he needs of which he receives nearing the birth of the young couple’s baby. There are many complications with in the story which Hornby explores including the teenagers relationship, their parents and also another baby born into the family from another source, Sam’s mother. The novel shows the accident which has become more common in society with in recent years, showing the lives that some young teenagers are living, showing the consequences and reactions of family members and school.
I did find the book a tad confusing in places as Sam moves forward in time and then back in time in describing how he is feeling, what he is worrying about, what he is expecting etc. Hornby gives a great insight into the complications of these teenagers’ lives, ending on good terms creating quite an inspiring story. I would recommend it but I must admit it was not the type of read I would have usually gone for but enjoyed it nonetheless. As the story line is close to many people I know, and I am unable to relate to; I do feel sympathy for the characters in parts, and begin to understand how their lives must actually be. I won’t give too much away, defiantly a good read and a coming of age novel to read. Overall I wouldn’t mind reading it again, and may invest in another of Hornby’s novels for my next read.
July 2013
Gosh you know that awful guilty feeling when you buy a HUGE cake to share with the fam and munch it all before they are even home...? I feel very much like that with my publishing, my proofing. Geez, re reading something fiction and that you have written yourself feels odd as it is, but memories also flock back of the influences which made you write what you wrote. In will get there, I've decided on a paper back when its published basically because I moan when I read a hard back book as I carry a book everywhere but hardbacks are a nightmare in your handbag. So paper back for me, also concluding on my decision of using my own name, if in seven years i get famous and write a dozen more novels (that really isn't going to happen) I may change my name officially to Luna... Hahaa! I will proof it and publish this year! Writing children's book are much less complicated then novels I assure you. Less faff.
Much love x
Mikey climbs over the fence, Lucy is already ahead of him. She calls and continues running through the tall corn. The yellow pollen flying with in the breeze as she brushes past. Mikey runs after her, following her track left behind as she rushes through the crop. Lucy was 16, a calm girl with a huge sense of adventure. Mikey was 17, from the age of about 5 years, these two had been inseparable. Things where about to change though, from neighbours, to best friends, they were likely to become strangers again. School had ended for Lucy and she craved for a hard working career. Mikey was to join the army for training in four weeks from this run through the corn field. From the eyes of heaven, Lucy had always been behind the rest of the girls, into football instead of facemasks, climbed a tree for exercise not patrolling in short shorts along the promenade. Her maturity I suppose was lower than theirs too, she never had had a boyfriend or craved affection from boys. No doubt she thought about it, thought about how her individual love life was too pan out. Mikey was different, although Mikey and Lucy were extremely close, she never really knew him. Lucy's long ginger hair flowing in the wind as she ran, Mikey behind smelling the sweet scent of her shampoo as he caught up to her. He inhaled. Lucy began to slow down, "we're almost to the middle" she calls back to Mikey.
The middle of the field held an enormous oak tree, breaches low enough to climb, tall enough to see the village. This was Mikey and Lucy's tree, since their childhood they would spend every evening sitting, talking in that tree. Lucy and Mikey reached the middle, to the tree, immediately climbing up to their branch... They would sit for hours having thumb wars, talking about life. But this time was different, they sat in almost silence listening to the tweets of swallows and blue tits above and around them. She knew she was going to lose him and he knew he was going to miss her. They sat and smiled together for one of the limited evenings they had left together. Mikey checked his watch and Lucy saw. "I suppose we better get back" he said, the sun had lowered and the sky was just dimly lit. Lucy agreed as Mikey stood to climb down and Lucy followed, he turned. Facing Lucy, standing taller and looking in her eyes, he leaned in slowly to kiss her. She didn't move, his head tilted and slowing moving towards hers, she watched his lips. Comforting and soft declining towards hers, she flashed her eyes to meet his and closed them. Their lips touched, for the first time.
Much love x
""She was ready to start again, to do the whole thing again, making tiny plans. After Apologising and moving on to the next occasion where they would walk down the seafront hand in hand, she wanted this. She did not want 'them' to be broken. She understood that things in both of their lives that did not run parallel. His decision was quick but she does not judge him for that, she only respects him more. She loved how he had done as his heart told him, what he really wanted, and did the best for himself.""
Prose
Gosh I babble...
Much love x
Author: Dan Brown
Published: 2009
An amazing ending to the well know Da Vinci Code series by Dan Brown. The gripping story line and strange and chilling occurrences have the reader hanging on to every page. The novel is quite a long one and depicts an epic adventure of which Robert Langdon endures. While Robert Langdon meets so many new characters and situations, us readers can not help but guess what we think is going to happen just around the corner, waiting in suspense after every turn of the page. The story is hugely clever and gripping, the unimaginable also concealed within its pages. On contrast to many of my reading recently I really enjoyed this one, some themes containing drowning, suffocation during the book, could be a tad unappealing to many, and also the length and the denseness of the story lines. The book does require a lot of concentration like the others of Dan Brown's series, overall It is a very satisfying read and a great story to follow.
May 2013
And spontaneously blogging reviews I have had saved on my PC...
Much love x
Author: Alice Sebold
Published: 2003
I first heard about 'The Lovely Bones' as a friend had mentioned the movie, influenced by the novel. I really enjoyed reading this book, it is an eye opening story, twists of first loves and romance contrasting harsh reality and death. The book is superbly written and i couldn't speak any higher of it. Underneath the 'not so nice' story line, the happenings spiritually and strong connections between the friends and family members make this book so beautiful and definitely one i would read again. The story is conveyed through the eyes of a young girl, Suzy. After her death, Suzy documents and watches her family as they entwine the mystery of her death.
A main theme of this novel is Love, love between family members, between friends, first loves, affectionate love, and also intimate love. There is a strong sisterly bond through the novel, and teenage lust for love in both sisters lives. It is a becoming of age story, and it follows the lives of a young girl's grieving family, most of all, Suzy's youngest sister as she grows up and become a young women while Suzy watches from above. This novel is such an easy read, and so delightful to follow, with ups and down that will have any reader weeping a few tears.
May 2013
Author: Emma Donoghue
Published: 2010
I was recommended this read by my colleagues which they had enjoyed. As soon as they mentioned how gripping the story was, not giving any important details I was fast to get online and buy it. The beginning of the book takes a lot of adjusting too. The book is written from the point of view of the five year old boy and written exactly how a five year old would speak. The young boy, Jack, talks about life, what he sees, what he feels and all the in between. Without giving too much away, in the first part of the book the reader experiences shock, sometimes leading us readers to be a tad uncomfortable with what the young boys sees and what he is describing about his horrible life situation. The book grabbed me so quickly I couldn't wait to know the end and i read it super quickly. I would recommend it to anyone to read. Donoghue explains Jack's life brilliantly , picking up on things in a young child's life that wouldn't usually have such a significance. While reading the book, i became attached to the characters getting quite emotional in some parts. 'Room' is a story entailing a very hard life, the novel contains themes such as rape, kidnaps and suicide so a reader whom has not read around these themes before would probably find the novel a tad uncomfortable to read.
I hadn't read a novel that contained themes such as rape, the beginning of the novel did shock me slightly and did leave me thinking 'do I want to carry on reading this?' But only in the beginning, as Jack is the one telling the story, he grips to you so he can tell you his story, and as a reader all you can do is listen. I fully enjoyed reading 'Room' and will invest in more of Donoghue's fiction.
May 2013
Well as I have used this blog before mostly for my own writing... I think I have decided to start reccomending reads, and novels of which I have read and loved. The 'think' shows much... This book reviewing may not last long... Hopefully get me into blogging again though. So a few book reviews may be 'blogged' ... I could have created a whole new blog, but for the sake of everyone else, I shall keep all my jibber jabber in one place. :)
So home from uni and I have tonnes of time and still not writing as much as I should... I'll give you the new, I'm publishing my novel this summer but it needs proofing at least twice so not just yet :) I am excited for that... I wish I was proofing by hand though... Silly technology. I am hoping that all goes well. Been told to think up a writers name but I'm quite happy with mine, maybe Luna Otto... Naa.. Mine is fine. So... To conclude...
Hello again, I'd like to say i'm back... After this semi understandable breakup, I'm motivating myself to write again! *claps self* I have aims for the summer, honest. I will get these done; finish proofing completely, start my uni report, eat less biscuits, don't get hurt again, wear my bikini. Done!
Now were all up to speed...
Much love x
She would curse....
Feelings define themselves in the feelings that ray from our persons. She listens to a familiar song to which she was introduced to by him. Whether it is that memory, or the words, she is comforted. In times when she feels alone and dependent upon only herself, when she can smile because herself would listen.
Holding on to feelings that had to end, to memories that aren’t those of real emotion.
She is Letting go of the past and opening herself up for the future, for the great things that may be creeping her way, but is the route she should have taken?, is that the right perspective to adopt?.
Welcoming another into her life span, into her daily busy lifestyle bringing its pleasures, its comforts and its carefulness. Yet unmanageable.
She still feels alone, He can’t always be by her side. When life is looking bright, in every aspect, when she feels high from just being proud. When life deals you fair and beautiful opportunities, why not jump for them?
After the moulding of sadness, the ability to make a decision seems to disappear within the tears shed.
Where would she start apologising.
"She has ignored whom had cared and watched over her, close to her and somewhat part of her" .Inseparable, until she breaks the runnings, the tracks. She notices, recognises. All she would need to do for all of her comfort to be gone is… to snap her fingers.
Does this feeling overwhelm her? Is it this all?
Her selfishness, lost all feelings of contentment, she is alone once again, though this time herself would not listen. She had brought the guilt and agony onto herself. She hurt him, and herself.
That familiar song brings memories of which triggers me to write, my contact is worth nothing, there is nothing I can add. Her apologies have condensed into nothing, a wet trail of tears.
It has the full ability to make us aware that we really are 'sitting on the fence'. Letting go is hard enough, signing off...and anticipating the final result. In a small room, an examiner with white hair, built into a curl on top of his head; sits at a desk with a window to the left of him. With piles of papers, exams, reports, essays... One after the other, the man wearing a lime green jacket reads deep into the waffle you have submitted. Written from the heart yet complete babble... He reads. As the white haired man, with the orange shoes and a feather boa, finishes reading. He looks up and out of the window, 5 gulls sit looking in on him, one of those Gulls mine... Waiting for the dreaded grade which too much relies on. The examiner hurried to clip the lid on his pen and leaned to the floor behind the desk my Gull reported. Gull says he rummaged around until.... Pulling out the biggest sandwich Gull had ever seen...
Much love...x
Cute, adorable, sweetie...
Curled into his arms, she starts to over think things, but he stops her. Curled into his arms, she goes silent, she goes shy... He kisses her. Curled into his arms, his huge paws softly stroking her neck. Curled into his arms, she kisses him. Curled into his arms, she spent the evening. Curled into his arms, looking deeply into his deep brown eyes. Curled into his arms.
Decisions...
The road was cold and windy, a sense of unknown as a destination. The damp think fog curling round my neck as if a threat, the sound of small creatures rustling in the hedgerows. I walked alone. I feel alone. No light upon my direction, I walk, owls making there appearance through the night. One foot in front of the other, I think deeply about my posture, my breathing, my existence.
How I wished for you to be walking with me, by my side. For protection against the harsh world, my fears and the dusty cold air. I feel your hand mould around mine, but its not real, its not true. I am alone. The road turns blind to the left, vast fog still hiding my location. Scurrying animals pass my feet, my strides becoming twice the size. Why had I decided to walk away now?, to be alone? Why did I not keep my assigned place, warm, content, with you. Change was coming, my mind wondered as I slowly clambered round the bends of Surrey Road.
Much love...x
Smile! Are you happy? If yes, how do you know you’re happy? And if so what does happy feel like? I’ll tell you my idea of Happy. I am happy, I feel that sometimes only my toes are just about touching the ground as I become wrapped up in life and floating in everything that makes me smile, lifting me higher; The new things, the new people, the new opportunities that are being thrown my way. I am happy. I am happy because I have self-worth, I am happy with me as I am proud, proud of my individuality and my independent journey. We are happy. You are happy because of your achievements, you are proud of yourself. You are happy with the things, the opportunities and the people that life throws at you. Do you know that?
Can you touch happiness? No. Happiness is a gradual incline of your own self-respect, along with the respect of others and self-esteem and self-love and happiness and greatness and journey, I could go on; about above all – a journey. Your destination is - contentment, love, happiness, pleasure, joy, satisfaction, desire… Bliss! Get there!... Travel!... Vacate!... You can look back in 20 years on your amazing achievements, life and desires and make yourself look back to you and, Thank you. Make your life what you want it to be, make it happy. >Complete that cross stitch and be proud. >read that book, and be proud. Learn to fly. Be proud.
Reach your destination… I’m on route for reaching mine.
Much Love… x
Feelings,
What are they? Motivation? Desire? Escape? We feel emotions prior, after, during everything in life. Yet with feelings established, why is making a decision so hard? Thinking does not always help, We will never know if we don’t try. Someone told me this recently, She knowing, wise told me to jump for opportunities when I feel there is a small chance they could be the right decision. But what do I feel? I fall and graze my knee, I feel pain? I lose my blue writing pen? I feel frustration? Yes. I open my eyes to all possibilities, I feel confusion? Do I? Am I ignoring those new feelings, those new emotions? I finish an essay and delete it accidently without an ‘Undo’ option, I feel anger? Established feelings can lead us into the best journeys, helping us understand our real aims and desires. >If feelings are motivation then a career aim, is a Want! A want lead by an attitude of not stopping until we get there, not resting until we reach the finish point. >If feelings are Desire? Should we not just follow them, see what further feelings arise? Or leave desire a hardly forgotten dream? > If feelings are escape, why not take the journey, make the wrong right decision, make the right wrong decision. “You won’t know unless you try”. Being honest with our emotions and our feelings will get us the further than keeping them all on a drawing board in our minds. A risk now and then is harmless under the right pre-cautions… a risk can be rewarding and a risk can be right.
Much Love…x
...
Where Cary felt comfort was now disturbed, after the argument that lasted all of ten minutes, her life was falling apart. He had given her hope and love when she needed it yet she never respected him. He was everything any girl would ever want and she risked losing him. Her eyes were heavy and wandered around the no longer familiar flat. His jacket slung over a dining room chair as it always was, yet different. His charcoal drawings draped on every wall, most of them conveying his happiness, faith and pleasure of his life with Cary. She looked, and admired; alone she slumped on the floor. She felt guilt in her stomach, a salty bland taste reached her lips as she wept. Cary did not blame Troy for leaving, she had always ignored the ability of breaking someone's heart, now understanding how easy it was, she knew she had. She thought back, about Finn. She reminisced how Finn's hands had felt over her skin, his lips on her body. Her mind tainted, she had hurt Troy and needed to fix it yet desired the touch of her black horse, Finn.
She had one lived in this house, yet she no longer felt welcome. The tough atmosphere think around her throat, she beat away her tears. The house smelt like damp wood, and wet air filled the room. The room dark and inviting, smashed glass on the floor telling the story of what happened here. Crossing her arms, she griped herself tightly and the bitter breeze cut through her. Why did it have to happen that way? She was now alone and not only in the house, the darkness seemed friend,y other than a threat. A promise swung though Sarah's mind. She twirl led her thought around her mind, and began to cry unable to hold it in. She stepped in to the only light in the room, as the moon shown through the smashed window. She crutched and out her head in her hands. Sarah was helpless and alone. A flicker of a electricity box as the damp air reached its inside. Sarah looked up... In the corner of the room, where no light shown; a shadow of a man, crouched also against the wall...
Much love...
When we feel intimidated by something or somebody…think of them as the above… They can take your souls perhaps yet stop them… In the wizarding world we are given the power to fight for our own destiny, a Patronus… Whether this being an otter or a tiger, you have strength. Knowing that you will be walking into a situation where you are going to find it hard or impossible to find strength, you must not be frightened, nervous, or intimidated. See yourself as your own Patronus… Make your destiny and don’t be scared. They will not hurt you, fight for yourself. Here is the courage, here is the push… Go for it and keep yourself proud, safe and above all… You!
Much love x
Chase luck when you want it, when you need it. It cannot be made for you… Make the luck yourself… Believe your worthiness and grasp the fortune… Do not stand and observe, chase what you believe and make it yours. Sign your name. And believe in your own luck.
Much love x
This post it!
Life! We have journeys made for us, we make journeys for ourselves and we search for aspired journeys. A post -it is like your life… We cross bridges, we complete things that make ourselves and others proud… Add them to your post - it! Scribble, note down all those fancy things that you didn’t expect you would do, and look back at them. Overwhelm yourself with your own greatness… Remember the things that make you proud of yourself and don’t be afraid of being you. Your post - it is empty until you start scribbling. Make yourself proud. Go for it!
Much love x
That massive grin that develops on our faces when we hear a loved song and have not heard it for while. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up as you hear a song of which, years ago used to be on repeat, then was distinguished… A song that makes you smile.
A song that makes me smile - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH0RbHjD4vw&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Much love x
So something new to write about, I haven't written for a while... I could write about She, I could write about Me...
Everything you do, everything you say and everything others do or say to you... Makes you who you are, as I'm sure we all know. When someone then does something, saws something not to you personally and then somehow it gets to you, that also effects you. From experience , this happened to She, and one of her closest friend deceived her... It bothered her, as she cried in a pillow after letting the emotion spill as she retold the tale, the story. It bothered me to see her like this, it also bothered her... She felt sad and angry yet just wanted to forget it... And time after she did. She has... I saw her happy and smiling, like the old days as she lived with out fear of judgement. I think she deserves that back... She needs it back. And I'm going to help her get bit... With a show face and huge smile, shell get there... For now though, I'll sit back, eat ice cream and watch, as she is the decision maker, she is the control... And look out for She...
Groove
Well I have blogged before, a new start... 'Cuz we're cool'.
So... The recognition of knowing that things pass without you seeing them. Spending a day working away at an essay, you don't see much of the day, then the days gone. Or bath water, gone... Time is precious and its taken for granted. Life has to be an organised schedule but we need to live round that, have spontaneous meets, crazy things. A train journey is timed and predicted... Love shouldn't be, all those little things, those happy things In life shouldn't be. Give yourself an aim and make something not normal and scheduled happen... Let something amazing happen, maybe something you can't explain. Good luck
Groove
